His LoveCup

kadang kadang hidup ini terlalu indah,

setiap hari dihiasa gelak tawa, hiburan perempuan cantik, harta dan kemasyuran,

sehingga kita tidak sedar disebalik keindahan itu..

ada kuasa besar yg sedang perhatikan gerak geri kita...

yang melihat samada kita terus tegar atas jalannya,

memegang kibar Islam..

atau menyerah kalah dan terkandas bersama ribuan orang lain..

yang leka dibuai nafsu dan dunia..

hanya ada dua jalan..

jalan menuju-Nya

dan jalan yang bengkok..

dimana jalan kita?

adakah kita semakin membengkok......

tanpa menyedarinya?

adakah kita masih lagi yakin disana ada kehidupan yang benar menanti?

yakinkah kita dengan janji-janji-Nya?

atau kita lebih yakin dengan janji2 dunia yang menawarkan kebahagiaan..

susah untuk berdiri tegak di atas satu jalan..

tetapi diakhir nanti,,hanya orang yang betul2 percaya yang menggarap piala itu..

piala cinta-Nya.

are you in the same train?

bismillahirrahmanirrahim :)

entry kali ni adalah sambungan kepada entry lepas..

hmm..mencari kekuatan dr Pemilk kekutan?? mencari Pemilk kekuatan?? mencari cinta Pemilk kekuatan kerana pada cinta ada kekuatan, kan??

mencari cinta Allah..bukan mudah, bukan senang..kerana syurga yg dijanjikan Allah itu mahal..dan bukan sebarangan org dapat masuk dlm syurgaNya tu..

keretapi cinta Allah akan terus berjalan..berjalan dan terus berjalan..maka, siapa yg x tahan, x larat dgn panas dan bisingnya bunyi keretapi tu akan turun..akan tercicir..perjalanan akan diteruskan sampailah ke destinasinya iaitu daerah cinta Allah..dalam perjalanan kita, awal2 lagi Pemerintah daerah tu dah mention, perjalan x pendek..panjang..macam2 halangan, ribut taufan, sejuk dan panas, penat lelah perlu kita sebagai penumpang lalui..

kadang2 kita menangis, kadang2 kita rasa lemah dan putus asa..

dan memang Allah dah ckp, d akhir destinasi nanti, hanya SEDIKIT yg berjaya sampai, hanya SEDIKIT yang berjaya dapatkan award syurga yg Dia janjikan..so, mana bilangan yg BANYAK dalam keretapi yg panjang tu?? x nak ke kita jd golongan yg SEDIKIT yang Allah mention tuh??

awal2 lagi Allah ada mention, sape yang lemah, sapa yang x kuat, sapa yang x mahu teruskan perjalanan, akan Allah gantikan tempat duduk kosongnya dgn golongan yg LEBIH menyintaiNya dan dicintaiNya..makanya, kalau nak buat perbandingan, bila kita memilih utk turun dr keretapi cinta tu, kita adalah org yg x berapa nak lebih ( betul ke ayat ni) menyintai Allah dan apatahlagi dicintaiNya..xnaaakk!!!! sanggupkah kita beri peluang kpd org lain, dan kita tercicir?? ( ini lain case nya dgn kita mengajak org lain bersama2 naik keretapi cinta ni..)

"Hai orang-orang yang beriman, barangsiapa di antara kamu yang murtad dari agamanya, Maka kelak Allah akan mendatangkan suatu kaum yang Allah mencintai mereka dan merekapun mencintaiNya" ( surah al-Maidah : 54)

MEMANG..memnag dalam mencari cinta Allah, kita sakit, kita penat, kita menangis, merayu agar Allah beri kekutan kita utk mencintaiNya, untuk menggantikan ruang cinta selainNya di hati kita ni dgn cintaNya, memang sakit!

tp kita yakinkan? dalam satu hadith qudsi..

Daripada Anas r.a daripada Nabi s.a.w :

“jika seorang hamba menghampiriku sejengkal, maka aku menghampirinya sehasta, jika ianya hampir kepadaku sehasta maka aku menghampirinya sedepa dan jika ia datang kepadaku dengan berjalan maka aku datang kepadanya dengan berlari”.

( riwayat Bukhari)

mungkin bukan sekarang kita sampai ke destinasi cinta tu, tapi kita yakin selagi kita pegang janji Allah utk tetap berada di dalam keretapi ni, dan tinggalkan segala cinta lain kita akan sampai..AKAN SAMPAI!

"Dan apabila hamba-hambaKu bertanyakan engkau (Wahai Muhammmad) tentangKu, (maka jawablah) sesungguhnya Aku ini hampir, Aku menjawab seruan sesiapa yang berdoa kepadaKu apabila dia berdoa. Maka hendaklah dia menyahut seruan (menunaikan perintahKu) dan beriman kepadaKu mudah-mudah mereka selalu berada di atas petunjuk"

(surah alBaqarah : 186)

http://kakaktaqiah.blogspot.com/

i know i shouldnt bug you with this crap post about ucas thing.

but still i want to say, IM FREAKING out.

my friend just received her rejection email from bristol and birm..

BRISTOL!

man..thats uni i applied for..!! the next day it could be me..

gosh..i cannot understand...

u see..this friend of mine..SHE IS SO GREAT!

shes a great leader,,i really mean this.

and when she want to do something she always do it in time...shes very passionate..and shes everything you want in a doctor..

i always think shes very good..

but now bristol reject her application??

and birM?

now i feel,,ok....what other people keep telling me

NO NEWS IS A GOOD NEWS!

gosh. my brother is so awful.

ok today we went for kind like 'family dinner' at kedai ikan bakar.

and then eat2..after that time to go back..

ok the funny thing is....we performed solat jemaah together..

there was me, my bro, and his gang bob and iman...and my dad is the imam..

xtahannnnye...waktu aku tgh nak khusyuk2 solat...

ok...first2..allahuakbar...khusyuk2..

tak sampai beberape saat takbiratul ihram..tibe2 ade bunyik..prrrrooootttttt..

hahaha...adik aku pun batalkn solat die n pegi ambil wudhuk balik..

waktu tu dalam fikiran aku...

budak ni mesti saje je kentut sebab xnak solat berjemaah...gedik.

ok tu xde pape sgt...

then dah rakaat kedua..die pun datang balik..angkat takbiratul ihram...

tak sampai beberapa saat..

prrrruttt.

waddaheck..

aku waktu tu.....dah nak tergelakkk...

aku tertahan gelak giler gile ah waktu tu..

aku dgr si bob n iman pun cam nak tergelak..

bengong ah budak ni..kalau dah tahu nak kentut tu takyah ler dtg solat jemaah..

menganggu konsentrasi aku je..

today i got scolded because i downloaded a lot of game from my mom's phone. (downloaded means, i bought that game using her credit card)

HAHA. i dont have the idea dat they are going to know about the download history. i thought, ok i download this game, who give a damn about this? they are buzy worrying about saving the world for a better future...

haha..turn out i m busted. shit i feel like idiot getting scold because downloading a game?

i ventured through my mum's ipad just now. awesome man.

you can download a lot of things FOR FREE!!! i want ipad oso!

speak up for yourself

have you ever feel so confident at one point that you thought theres nothing can change your mind about this and the other point you get seriously in doubt about that.

ok fine. about being a doctor.

gaaa...

i am no longer sure if being a doctor is a perfect choice for me.

before this, when i heard people asking, why you want to be a doctor? i thought it was a ridiculous question. of course because i want to save lives.

and now i began to ask the question back, does being a doctor really about saving people's live?

do every doctor take medicine because they want to save people's live?

do i really want to save people's live when my own life is like another step into the grave.

theres some night when i am afraid to go to sleep because i fear what would happen f i dont wake up tomorrow?

have i really get myself ready for the afterlife? what will i look in the grave later?

more thought on this later k!

well, i found myself quite a bitch. cutthroat bitch. i got this one senior. he repeated his paper last year but now hes very successful in his med school at uk...

the BAD THING about me, i want to confess is, i used to view myself better than him. i said to myself, well i could do better than you.

but now i realize, what dumbasssssss i am! snob! arrogant! immatured!

i cant look down on people just because i think i can do better than them?

its SPITEFUL, DEMEANING and ridiculous!

i am sorry. i feel like i have done so many terrible things.

i have realized that i am no better than anyone else in this world.

back to the reason what is the real reason why i want to be a doctor???

ok let me make this clear.

i only love the challenge because of my young blood running in my vascular system.

theres couple of potential reason why people want to be a docto:

1) because he thinks hes freaking smart, and medicine is where smart people gathere.

-which rules me out..because i am not smart..i am just quite competitive in a certain terms.

2)because hes freaking hardworking

- which i am not. though my friends used to say i am hardworking but i dont believe in her. bullshit.

3)because he has a very lovely heart

-i cannot comment on this.

4)want to make lot of money

-which is, seriously not my objective here. come on...if u wanna make awful lot of money, go for business lah weh.....why torture yourself for something u can get easier

5)love os science.

-yeah right

6)passion

when i see doctors or surgeon working especially in private hospital made me depress. gosh. trapped in that building for the whole day?!! thats awful.

i need something adventurous.

will talk more about this later k.

gotta go.

about music

ok..i think recently i have been so obsessed with music, which is not good.

my mum was not really agree at first when i said i want to learn piano, now,after piano, i think i want to learn violin.

this sounds ridiculous. its like pulling me far from what i should really do, which is my homework and science.

''...menurut Syed Muhammad Naquib al-Attas, ialah pembebasan manusia daripada tradisi tahyul, mitos, animis, kebangsaan dan kebudayaan dan selepas itu (pembebasan) akal dan bahasa daripada pengaruh sekularisme. Pengaruh sekular yang semakin menular menyebabkan seni muzik yang dinikmati bukan bertujuan mencari ketenangan atau pengabdian kepada Allah s.w.t. tetapi menjadi hiburan yang melalaikan dan mendorong kebebasan daripada kongkongan agama. Akhirnya seni muzik beginilah yang membawa kepada maksiat dan hilang matlamat asalnya....''

MAKSIAT!

huh. the last time i really think about this, was like....i dont know. maybe i dont think about this anymore.

i know, i've done many wrong. and its so hard for me to go back to where i should be. and the question here, where should i be?

ok back to the topic. why i love to play music so much? first, of course, its fun and interesting. if i didnt do this, you will see me in front of television most of the time (if not in front of the books)

second : it helps me to coordinate and organize my thought really well.,,,

playing music, you really have to be discipline. i used to cheat on my counting beat and count fast and that where my teacher told me that i cannot do that if i want to produce a beautiful song.

..

...and patient...

learning a piece of music is not easy as what you imagine, believe me, PROVIDED that you play sonatina or serenade song. if u r playing jingle bell..ngaaaa..who cares? its like throwing ball in the air.

funny. my little sister ainul is so lazy to learn new song. so every time she play the piano she only play the happy birthday song or twinkle little star...ngahaha..shes so cute.

cant wait to see her playing a song for me. when she grew up.

third: i want to be able to play song for my brother's wedding day. haha. ok this sounds bullshit. because i dont even know if she got any girfriend or someone he admires.

ok maybe playing the song during my own wedding day. and when is it? hohehhhoehe. 10 years?

action can become a habit. so next time, watch out your action!

some excerpt about music:

: “Diriwayatkan daripada Aishah r.a katanya, Aku telah diziarahi oleh Abu Bakar r.a. di rumahku. Ketika itu di sampingku ada dua orang jariah iaitu gadis daripada golongan Ansar sedang mendendangkan syair golongan Ansar pada Hari Bu’ath iaitu hari tercetusnya peperangan antara golongan Aus dan Khazraj. Aishah berkata: Sebenarnya mereka berdua bukanlah penyanyi. Abu Bakar r.a. berkata: Patutkah ada nyanyian syaitan di rumah Rasulullah s.a.w. dan pada hari raya pula? Lalu Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda, “Wahai Abu Bakar! Sesungguhnya setiap kaum itu mempunyai hari raya dan ini adalah hari raya kami.”

Sikap keterbukaan Rasulullah s.a.w. terserlah setelah baginda membenarkan dua gadis golongan Ansar menyanyi walaupun mendapat sedikit teguran daripada Abu Bakar pada peringkat awalnya. Ini menjadi bukti bahawa Islam mengiktiraf seni muzik kaum lain selagi ia tidak bercanggah dengan syariat Islam. Pengiktirafan tersebut menunjukkan Rasulullah s.a.w. mengislamisasikan seni muzik kaum Ansar.

pendapat yg mengharamkan

Dalil Aqli:

· Alat-alat tersebut menghiburkan dan melalaikan daripada zikrullah, solat dan membaca A-Qur’an. Di samping itu

berlaku juga pembaziran wang dan masa.

· Alat-alat tersebut adalah syiar golongan fasiq dan maksiat. Islam melarang meniru cara hidup golongan-golongan ini.

· Kelazatan yang dihasilkan dengan mendengar alat-alat ini boleh membawa kepada maksiat dan kefasika

pendapat yg mengharuskan:

Ibnu Hazm, Abdul Ghani An-Nablusi, As-Syazili At-Tunisi dan Idfawi mengharuskannya dengan syarat-syarat berikut:

+ Niat yang betul dan tidak bertentangan dengan syara’

+ Tujuan yang tidak melanggar batas-batas syara’.

Dalil Mereka

i. Perbuatan sebahagian sahabat mendengar petikan kecapi dan memiliki hamba-hamba wanita pemain kecapi, sebahagian

diriwayatkan daripada Abdullah bin Zubair, Abdullah bin Umar, Muawiyah bin Abi Sufian dan Amru bin Al-‘Aas.

life is aint like music sheets anymore

ok previously i told you before that life is like a piece of music sheets.

and i didnt ask your opinion after that.

so well, do you think LIFE is really like a piece of music sheet?

because after several contemplation, no, i want to take back my words.

\

in a several perspective, yes, life looks like a piece of beautiful music.

from the outside, you see how beautiful the song is. but from the inside, you see the hardwork of the musician like pianist or people playing violin or whatever.

now i changed my mind.

music sheet is too beautiful to be compared to life, dont you think so?

first : it is too relaxing that it prevents you from working hard

second : it is just too beautiful..even after we finished living our life and look back at it form bigger picture, we can still see lot of bitter in life..

third : its like too many pieces of puzzles that you have to solve where at one time you want to think, ok i give up. i dont want to see the beautiful song anymore. i GIVE UP!

enough of this.

yesterday we went back to melaka because my aunty got sick.

and this has disrupt my study time table.

i mean, i was late for one topic to be finished on that day. it really depressed me. i have a very good progression on my homework. and now i couldnt do anything at all. back at the zero.

you see, this is my problem. when something distract me, i tend to feel depressed. i wanted to start back from the beginning.

this is not good.

things to do:

1)finish math homework including paper stats

progress:

Pure: only algebra + little logarithms

stats: 3 years done

2)homework chem

progress

application : finished reading the application....only read..no notes or anything

past paper : NONE!!! seriously?!!

HIS homework: NONE!!

3)bio

pastpaper :none

homework : none

reading : some on genetics.

this is ridiculous.

my brain is so mess up. where am i going to start? where should i begin? theres too many things to do. and the temptation to watch astralia's next top model is so BIG

plus interview preparation like shit.

life is like a sheet of music notes

korang pernah tak terfikir..

life is like playing a piece of sheet of piano...

first, you heard the full music. and it sounds, gorgeous and beautiful.

all you know is, waw this is so beautiful......everything about this song is beautiful...

but you didnt know what contain inside the piece of the music notes.

theres a lot of hardwork and perseverance of the musicians...coordinating the notes and his handss....

its really hard to prouce a beautiful song...

but in the end..after all the hardship...

you only see the beautiful song...

for the musician itself..eventhough its so hard for him to combine all the notes together...

in his mind, he knows what he will see in the end. a piece of beautiful song.

so that what motivates him...

the picture of the end result.

its beautiful.

gorgeous

guyz, tell me. who didnt love this beautiful song?

most scariest disease

ok first, i am so touched because some of my friends who are an avid reader of my blog.

thanks for being so loyal. haha. big lol.

now i feel obliged to improve my writing and give you all the best from me, ok ok stop. this sounds bullshit.

today i will brief you about the MOST SCARIEST DISEASE

(im really not supposed to write anything. gosh tonnes of hw is waiting me!!!)

i dont want to put pictures and SCARE hell out of you...haha but if u insist, pls be my honour to google it yourself ok

1) RABIES

i dont know if u have watched this movie, but there is this movie about rabies at HBO recently.

rabies is like 'anjing gila'. its usually infected by animal mostly dog.

so this movie is where a reporter and her cameraman were following a fireman just for documentary program. the fireman was called to go to one apartment at los angeles because theres one women want to kill herself or gone mad something.

once the reporter, cameraman and the fireman was inside, suddenly the apartment was locked from the outside.

the higher authority just got the information that the woman was infected by rabies. and no one can go outside from the apartment anymore for fear of infection. and the place is COMPLETELY sealed.

cutting the story short, one by one, the inhibitors of the apartment all died because of the rabies. the rabies can be infected through contact with liquid..like blood, saliva or tears.. they also exhibit very2 agressive personality and kills other people.

when you got bite by the people with rabies, you are infected. and eye will turn red. and you started to scream and bite other people.

IT IS VERY SCARY and horrible movie. i want to applaud the producer for this movie, seriously.

ok this is just story. in the story, the virus in the rabies got mutation or something and they become very uncontrollable and untreatable. the real rabies, you can give vaccine. but if infected for so long, its usually fatal.

2)Leprosy (Hansen's Disease)

its a KUSTA, caused by mycobacterium leprae/ where the bacteria keep eating your limbs, your flesh, alive!

..and the most horrible fact from it, you dont feel anything!

you see...one time you have your nose, and the next morning you woke up from bed, oh my god, theres a hole in place where my nose supposed to be!!!!

scary aite?

this disease exist man. its infectious. i think, theres one instituion for kusta people in malaysia..where they put all this people in one place like some kind of isolation. yes, theres no cure for this thing.

3) Pica

maybe you heard bout this before. people who have this disease will eat non-food things...like tables, coins or anything BUT food. i heard before that pregnant women sometimes mengidam makan selipar? wadda?

4)Progeria

its like wtching The Curious Case of benjamin....but this time, its not a lie.

its a disease where the baby grow very2 fast....and as the result, the child becomes so OLD

daaaaaaaa...this world is full of many weird disease. now i appreciate having a good health.

huh. lets give our GRATEFUL thank to ALLAH.

hello again.

lol i've stopped writing for so long now it feels weird to write again.

last night i dream about being a business manager instead of a doctor!!!

awesome.

i mean, the dream is awesome. i started the business myself. from the simple act of hiring people, assigning job to them, and even deal with the 'lazy' workers. its like you are playing game! now now now. maybe if i didnt really found it fun in medicine i will pursue the business career instead.

i text my friend last night and i miss her. she always motivate me whenever i feel down. she used to give me a lot of assurance. truthly speaking, im the bad girl now. because she always tell me that im better than her. but im not.

its so bad. but nevertheless we are so close.

now i feel the reverse because i haven't got any offer yet, and that doesnt sounds good when people started to ask. 'ateey,,got d offer yet?'. NOPE. and that made people think, your ps must be bad.

i applied all the high ranking university with so much confidence!

newcastle. gosh. i asked some of the peolple there. the cutoff for ukcat is 665!!!! gosh! mine is 650. now im automatically out from there. (danny applied here and his ukcat is 599 something?)

aberdeen....its so far. even IF i get the offer i dont think i wanna go there.

edin...too competitive and lot of pressure to survive....

bristol...apparently this is my only hope.

i wish i put a lower expectation on myself. i wish i applied cardiff instead of ABERDEEN.

bile aku patot mule risau tentang homework?

1)bile nak makan dlm kepale homework

2)bile tgh main game dah x sedap hati macam sebelum2

3)bile mimpi tengah gagal dlm peperiksaan.

4)sekarang.

pernah tak korg fikir yang korg xnak dapat anak sebab xnak anak tu sengsara hidup dlm dunia ni?

haha. aku dah beberapa kali terfikir psl bende ni.

hidup ni memang memeritkan. banyak sangat benda yg buat kita sedih. sampaikan kalau menangis sebab kesedihan ni boleh jadi satu kolah besar air mata tuh.

dalam hidup aku, memang banyak perkara sedih yg berlaku. dulu waktu aku sekolah rendah,,,aku selalu menangis sebab bergadoh dgn adik beradik or sbb kene marah ngan mak bapak aku or yg berkaitan dgnnye. bile aku gadoh dgn abang aku (biasenye aku la yg terok kene sepak) aku lari laju2 masuk bilik kunci pintu..nangis2 n aku pun doa kat Allah supaya matikan aku cepat sbb aku dah xnak hidup. tup2..esok aku bangun tp still bernafas n buat aku bengang. aku rasa macam Allah xdgr pun doa aku tuh. then aku sedih. tapi lepas dapat main playstation, aku lupekan kesedihan tu.

bile dah sekolah asrama form 1 sampai form 4 kat kelate....aku waktu form 1-3 selalu jugak la menangis.

nangis sebab kawan aku xmahu kawan dgn aku.

menangis sebb aku igt kawan aku dah tingglkan aku sbb die dah jumpa kawan yg lagi bes dari aku.

nangis sebab gaduh dgn kawan.

nangis sbb markah aku lebih rendah dr org lain.

nangis sebab duit hilang..bla2..

dan semenjak dr tu..aku selalu bercita2 yg aku dah xsabar nak membesar..nak keluar dr dunia dlm hutan tu(skola aku dulu dlm hutan)....nak jadi org besar..supaya even bile aku ade problem,,aku nak ade problem yg mcm org besar..bukan problem kecik2 camni...kawan xnk kawan ngan kite da merajokk..childish!

then aku pun nak kene pindah waktu nk masuk form 5. perasaan tu bercampur baur. first, aku sedih sbb kene tingglkn kawan2..kene tingglkn kehidupn yg amat best dan tenang dan takda masalah besau nak fikir.

tapi aku gembira sbb aku dpt ditingglkn dunia hutan yg ntah dimana...gembira dapat duduk kat bandar balik..dapat main internet tiap2 hari...

gembira sbb ni ade lah first step utk becoming an adult.

tapi skrg, selepas boleh dilabel sebagai, 'adult'..aku selalu sedih. (sedih je..xde la smpi nangis..daa)

sedih bile tengok kawan aku...yang dah jatuhkan maruah die letak gmbr profile picture perempuan kat acount facebook die.

murahnye harga diri seorg lelakii..

lelaki yg dah dididik di sekolah agama...

boleh jatuh camtu jerr dlm pujuk rayuan perempuan tu...

entah la..it is not my business to condemn anybody. but as a friend...yang agak kenal siapa dia tu..amat tidak sangka dengan kelakuan ni..cammane seseorg boleh tenggelam sejauh tu. macam katak yg duduk dalam air yg dipanaskan..mule2 air tu sejuk..so katak tu tak rasa apa2. tapi makin lama air makin panas. tapi katak tu rasa ok je. dan last2, katak tu pun mati sebb kepanasan.

beza kan kalau kita letak katak tu dalam air yg tengah panas terus..mesti die terus melompat keluar.

aku xde ler nak kate aku ni malaikat baik sgt ke ape..aku pun teruk gak..tp seteruk2 aku..aku xkan buat sesuatu yg besar camtu just to impress org yg aku suka or just because he or she tell me to do it. daaaaa. who are you? you are just someone of which the chemical in my brain attracted to.. secondly, its just SO PUBLIC.

sedih sebab kelakuan org lain ok lagi.

tapi selain dr tu, aku sedih tengok diri aku sendiri.

sedih sbb mak aku suke perli aku, ''kesian dia...''

sedih sebab kehidupan aku bile besar bukan yg aku impikan dulu2.

sedih sebab aku helpless.

sedih sebab...bla2...bla..

masalahhh masalah masalahhh yang banyak.

kenapa aku dilahirkn didunia?

salamz...

hah. this is the beginning of my new life. yes. i know, i have to start a new blog. because my old blog, like i said, has been exposed to the BIG BOSS. (my dad).

it feels weird when your dad is reading your blog. seriously. but when he asked me, of course, i wont say anything and give the expression of, yes, go on, read my blog, there;s nothing personal. its true, theres nothing really personal. but i want to be able to express anything that i want in my blog without feeling the pressure of, ok what if he read this and do that and this after that?

its so frustrating me when he first started to read my blog. theres one time i said i love to read book. and suddenly he gave me a book. a brain book.

gagaga.

will meet you soon ok!

this is the third week of holiday. dush. time flies so fast!!!! i haven't done anything yet on my study. i lost my pendrive.